[personal profile] jenn_unplugged
I'm working at home today, writing up lecture notes, commenting on students' lesson plans, and trying to get calc exams graded. Michelle is taking care of Carter for 5 hours today, and there is no way I would be able to get any work done without her here.

I'm upstairs in the office, and when Carter woke up from his nap I could hear him and Michelle talking, and I wanted so badly to run down there and hug him and talk to him too. It sounded like she fed him a snack, and then they went to the park to go play. I'm grateful that he has such a wonderful nanny who does with him the things I would do if I weren't working, but sometimes I feel incredibly guilty that it isn't me doing those things with him.

Even though two days a week, it IS me. Heck, I took him to his swimming lesson this morning, and then we went to Stay n' Play (Austin area moms, check it out, because it's really awesome!), where we played with 3-foot-tall Easter bunnies for a while before Michelle came, at which point I left them to play while I went home to get some work done. Again, *sigh*, Mommy guilt.

But you know, it's not guilt so much as jealousy, really. I love my job, and I love that I can work part time and bring in a little money and keep active in my field and still have 2.5 days a week to be a SAHM and be with Carter. But I still find myself jealous of full time SAHMs. I think about how cool it would be to be able to spend every day with Carter, to just wake up every morning and say, "What should we do today?" It would be cool to be able to take him to playgroups and local parenting meetups that happen on days other than Monday or Friday (which most don't -- it's all Tuesday and Thursday, it seems). It would be nice to be able to relax on the days he doesn't take a nap because I don't have several hours of work hanging over my head, that will now have to be done late at night. Hell, I might even be able to knit again! Or keep up with blogging. Or write that novel...

Any full-time working moms reading this are probably rolling their eyes right now, heh. I suppose the grass is always greener, eh?

Now I'd better get back to those vector calc lecture notes...

Date: 2010-04-01 01:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sassywoman.livejournal.com
I am a full-time SAHM and do really enjoy being home with the girls. That said, I miss the professional world I used to work in. I miss having extra income. There are days when Joel gets off work and I'm running out the door because I need to get away from my kids for a sanity break! Seriously. You can only do so much story time, park time, playgrouping etc day after day before you start to miss the adult world.

I think you have a great balance and really envy that!

Date: 2010-04-01 03:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] murph-murph.livejournal.com
Ohh, i totally feel your pain. It is so hard. I think about it all the time. And I feel guilty, too. Because I do work at home at least 2 days a week, and I feel bad, like I should have Quinn here with me..But i also know that if he were here, I wouldn't get anything done.

I definitely know those feelings you are talking about. It's hard! I think about taking him to the park, too, and to classes and all that stuff. I can definitely relate!

Date: 2010-04-01 03:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] murph-murph.livejournal.com
p.s. Carter is so cute in your profile pic :)

Date: 2010-04-01 09:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] singofmyself.livejournal.com
I'm right there with you. Sometimes I think I shouldn't read the mommy group stuff because I see how people are raving about the great weather and they're getting together at parks and enjoying the time with their kids. I get so jealous!

At least you're working part-time and get *some* time with Carter. :D

Date: 2010-04-02 12:58 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Nah, fulltime working mom here not rolling her eyes. I'm thinking the way you describe it sounds great to be a SAHM. But, like you said, I think the grass is always greener, according to my SAHM sis who would DO ANYTHING to have an annual performance evaluation and a raise.

P.s. I had a dream the other night that you pulled a "I didn't know I was pregnant" and gave birth to twins.. they were precious and looked just.like.Carter. It was a very cool dream. :)

- Emily in GSO

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