*sigh*

[jenn_unplugged]

I think I might have to stop watching naturalbirth. It's hard to read posts there about beautiful births and not be bitter about my own -- or bitter about the fact that I will never have one.

But the worst part is that I feel like I have nothing to contribute any more. When everyone is talking about how awesome it was to be able to just trust that their pregnant bodies were doing what they were designed to do, all I can say is that I can't trust my own any more. After all, I felt wonderful, even when I was checking myself into the hospital. But the reality was that I was dying, and taking Carter with me.

So I now have a perspective and an experience that doesn't seem to mesh well with everyone else in that group, even though I believe so strongly in what they stand for. *sigh*

Comments

[lauramcewan.livejournal.com]

Sugar, maybe if you look at it this way:

Medicine has, over time, determined that pregnancy and birth are medical issues, rather than letting them be the natural things that they are. Being pregnant used to mean relying on your family and yourself, and now it's doctors and hospitals and IVs and electronic monitors.

By continuing to support those who want their pregnancies and births to be as natural as possible, and who aren't having the issues that you had, overall, you still help maintain that belief.

When your pregnancy became a medical issue, then steps were taken, as I believe they should have been - and I'm glad those steps were taken for I can't imagine you or he not being here.

But you are still of the natural mindset - and that helps support moving pregnancy and birth away from the *control* of the medical industry and putting it back into the hands of the mothers, who are smart enough to know when to ask for medical intervention when and if it's needed, such as you did.

I'm proud of you.

[jenn-unplugged.livejournal.com]

Thank you for that. And you're right, just because it's something I can't have doesn't mean I can't continue to be an advocate for others having it. I think I need some space to get past my own pain, and then maybe I'll be able to go back.