Good news and bad news

[jenn_unplugged]

Bad news first: I got a call this morning from Austin IVF to let me know that none of our embryos were able to be frozen. Six of them just stopped growing on day 3, and the three that actually grew into blastocysts were too weak and would not have survived the freezing process. So of course, that makes me wonder how the two that were transferred are doing. What are the odds that two out of the original eleven would survive? I suppose they're in their "natural" environment, which makes a big difference, but still... It was a good dose of reality, which I needed.

I'm managing to hold all of this at arm's length, which I think is a good thing. It seems very abstract right now, so much that if it does work, I think it'll take it a while to sink in. I know that the odds are 50/50 at best, and I kind of expect it not to work. I don't ever again want to be as devastated as I was last year when the last IUI didn't work. So unlike I did with every IUI, I'm not really thinking about this much. I'm not lingering over baby stuff, or thinking of names. And I'm trying to keep in mind that we may have to do this all again, maybe more than once. That would be okay. It wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be. I could do it again.

Now some good news: I have been trying to figure out who can give me my shots when Doug is out of town (as he will be for most of the next month), and for a while I thought I would have to go to a clinic that's about 15 miles away. But I found one about 4 miles away this afternoon that said they would do it, which is awesome. They're even open 7 days and until 10:00 at night, yay! It will cost $12 a shot, but it's worth it.

I realized last night that if I am pregnant, I'll continue to have this nightly shot in the ass for possibly another month. That makes seven solid weeks of at least one shot a day. :-P Normal people just get to be all happy when they get pregnant, don't they? </bitter>

Comments

[geoviki.livejournal.com]

I think I mentioned my son is an insulin-dependent diabetic. He's got this nifty device called "Inject-Ease" that is set on a trigger to inject the needle for you if you're squeamish. He used to use it when he was sleeping over someone else's - when he's home, we do that morning one for him. Now he's a macho 16 year old, so he doesn't use it, and all the other shots he takes are with a smaller needle.

[geoviki.livejournal.com]

I hit send too soon.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you and hoping everything goes your way. I think it's good to be realistically optimistic - like you say, it's in its optimum home right now.

[jenn-unplugged.livejournal.com]

Yeah, realistically optimistic is a good way to put it. :-)

[jenn-unplugged.livejournal.com]

I just checked the FAQ, and it looks like those are for sub- shots only. But good idea. :-)

[sciencegeek.livejournal.com]

Too bad none of the others could be frozen, but I think it's good that you're staying sort of grounded about the whole thing. I must admit that I like reading these posts of yours, I find them interesting.
Hoping everything works out well for you!

[jenn-unplugged.livejournal.com]

I'm glad they're interesting! I've started to worry that this LJ has become monothematic lately... :-P

[ias.livejournal.com]

Oh Jenn, sorry to hear that none of them were good enough to freeze but afterall you're only human and not a brood mare. Anyway, as you say, the best two are in the best place for them. Good wishes winging their way from a sofa in Southampton.

[jenn-unplugged.livejournal.com]

It was kind of weird to think that there were 11 of them at all, you know? I guess now we won't have to decide what to do with the extras we thought we might have. We were thinking that donating them to science would be best, since we're big supporters of stem cell research. But we also wondered if someone else might want to adopt them, and how cool it would be to give some other couple a chance to try to have a child, you know?

Thanks for the good wishes. :-)

[afb.livejournal.com]

*hugs you to bits* *sends positive thoughts your way!* You sound like you're in a much, much better place than you were last year, and that makes a whole world of difference. *snugs*

[jenn-unplugged.livejournal.com]

Yes, I really am in SUCH a better place than I was a year ago. It's sort of stunning to look back and realize how screwed up I really was. :-P

[glasshouses.livejournal.com]

Well, they did implant the two very best ones! You'll know in a week?

I agree that it would be hard to give yourself a shot in your own ass. Can you inject in the fleshy part of the thigh?

[jenn-unplugged.livejournal.com]

I'll know next Saturday, about a week! *wibbles*

I have given myself IM shots in the thigh before, but they want this one to be in the hip. Apparently it's really easy to hit blood vessels in the thigh if you don't know what you're doing, and since the progesterone is suspended in olive oil, that would be a Bad Thing.

[jedirita.livejournal.com]

Eeep! Fingers crossed!

[(Anonymous)]

I do hope it goes well for you. I've been out of the system for the last year because hubby and I have been building a house, but we're starting our IVF over in August/September. Fingers crossed for your cozy two :-)