Remembering being born

[jenn_unplugged]

I've read many stories about people asking their toddlers if they remember being born, with the surprising result that many young children can recall details of their births that they would have no way of knowing otherwise. It's commonly believed that children don't remember much from their early childhoods, but research is starting show that isn't true.

So things like this really make me wonder how much Carter remembers. Does he remember being cut from my body far too early, isolated from human touch and warmth for so long? Does he remember painful procedures, the few blissful hours a day when he would sleep on my chest, the sound of the machines in the NICU?

When we brought him home from the hospital, he would not let us put him down. He demanded that we hold him 24/7 for months, and so we did. I think he was in constant contact with a human being for most of the first year of his life. He needed it so badly, and we were happy to provide him that security.

He hates loud noises, hissing sounds, and is incredibly disturbed by machines like vacuum cleaners, blenders, and hair dryers. He talks a lot about things that are "loud", many of which aren't actually that loud at all, but sort of hissing or continuous in nature, and I can't help but wonder if he is reminded of the sounds of machinery in the NICU when he hears those "loud" things.

I've often wondered what the legacy of his NICU stay would be, but it wasn't until now that I considered it might be something other than developmental. :-/

Comments

[lauramcewan.livejournal.com]

awww. If it's of any help, all three of mine were also afraid of loud hissing things like vacuums, blenders, hair dryers, etc. I tend to consider that just normal. :)

Something Roy learned in a required personal health class he had to take in college was that infants have muted hearing so they don't really hear loud noises, etc. They lay on our chests and aren't bothered by us laughing or talking or even hollering at the older kids, mere inches from their little ears. They mature that hearing as they grow.

Or so I'm told. :)

[nmg.livejournal.com]

Same here. The garklet dislikes the sounds made by vacuum cleaners, hand dryers and hair dryers (and now also our gas boiler), but I think that this is just a toddler thing.

[jenn-unplugged.livejournal.com]

Of course I'd fixate on something totally normal, LOL. But now I can't help but wonder if if does remember anything from that time, and what might have stuck with him.

Human behavior is so incredibly complicated, and it can be hard, if not impossible, to pinpoint the effects of one event without taking everything else into consideration. But then, I read stories like this one (and this is just one example of the ones I've come across lately), and it gets me thinking.

[jenn-unplugged.livejournal.com]

On the hearing issue: everything is different for preemies because instead of getting all sound filtered through the mother's body for those last few months, their hearing develops in a medical environment, where the sounds are all harsh and too loud and too bright. NICUs have come a long way in keeping the environments very quiet and peaceful, but preemies tend to be more noise-sensitive than average as a group.

[lauramcewan.livejournal.com]

ah, I hadn't considered that. Good point. :)

[bicrim.livejournal.com]

I'm going to validate what you are saying. Yes, I believe it is true, and my kids do some similar things. Elliot was born at the hospital, and was taken from me for two hours after birth, and at four is still panicked when I leave the house, while Isaac, who was born at home and never separated from me for even a minute is perfectly fine with me going out at 15 months.

[jenn-unplugged.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the validation! :-)

I mean, how could it not have affected Carter to be taken from my body months before he was ready, and then isolated exposed and touched too much and made to feel pain and subjected to more direct stimulation than he should have been, with only brief periods of respite? 53 days of being away from your mother is not the way an infant is supposed to live, even though it was what had to be done to save his life. :-/

[merrywandering.livejournal.com]

I've heard of those kinds of stories before, too. I'm not sure how long they actually remeber them though, unless the experience was really traumatic, or unless they "rehearse" the memory by repeating it often. Kids do forget a lot of what they remember in those first three years.

I think the key is to be aware of it and keep an eye out for signs, but also not to fixate on it or project your own anxieties onto him.

There are similar issues in adoption, by the way. Some kids carry wounds from being taken from their birth mothers, but others seem to weather it just fine. Adoptive parents sometimes attribute EVERYTHING to adoption trauma, but it's not always the case.

I think it's good to mention it to the child, and then take cues from them. Do they remember any of it? Do they seem to want to know more? Are they not interested? But by mentioning it, you leave that door open for them if they want to go through it.

Also, I think it's really important to be honest about your own feelings, in an age-appropriate way of course. That you wish you could have had him in your tummy the whole time, how you were scared for him in the NICU, how glad you were when you brought him hime, etc. Kids pick up on it if we're hiding something important from them.