Remembering being born
Dec. 16th, 2009 12:44 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jenn_unpluggedI've read many stories about people asking their toddlers if they remember being born, with the surprising result that many young children can recall details of their births that they would have no way of knowing otherwise. It's commonly believed that children don't remember much from their early childhoods, but research is starting show that isn't true.
So things like this really make me wonder how much Carter remembers. Does he remember being cut from my body far too early, isolated from human touch and warmth for so long? Does he remember painful procedures, the few blissful hours a day when he would sleep on my chest, the sound of the machines in the NICU?
When we brought him home from the hospital, he would not let us put him down. He demanded that we hold him 24/7 for months, and so we did. I think he was in constant contact with a human being for most of the first year of his life. He needed it so badly, and we were happy to provide him that security.
He hates loud noises, hissing sounds, and is incredibly disturbed by machines like vacuum cleaners, blenders, and hair dryers. He talks a lot about things that are "loud", many of which aren't actually that loud at all, but sort of hissing or continuous in nature, and I can't help but wonder if he is reminded of the sounds of machinery in the NICU when he hears those "loud" things.
I've often wondered what the legacy of his NICU stay would be, but it wasn't until now that I considered it might be something other than developmental. :-/
So things like this really make me wonder how much Carter remembers. Does he remember being cut from my body far too early, isolated from human touch and warmth for so long? Does he remember painful procedures, the few blissful hours a day when he would sleep on my chest, the sound of the machines in the NICU?
When we brought him home from the hospital, he would not let us put him down. He demanded that we hold him 24/7 for months, and so we did. I think he was in constant contact with a human being for most of the first year of his life. He needed it so badly, and we were happy to provide him that security.
He hates loud noises, hissing sounds, and is incredibly disturbed by machines like vacuum cleaners, blenders, and hair dryers. He talks a lot about things that are "loud", many of which aren't actually that loud at all, but sort of hissing or continuous in nature, and I can't help but wonder if he is reminded of the sounds of machinery in the NICU when he hears those "loud" things.
I've often wondered what the legacy of his NICU stay would be, but it wasn't until now that I considered it might be something other than developmental. :-/
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Date: 2009-12-17 03:46 pm (UTC)I think the key is to be aware of it and keep an eye out for signs, but also not to fixate on it or project your own anxieties onto him.
There are similar issues in adoption, by the way. Some kids carry wounds from being taken from their birth mothers, but others seem to weather it just fine. Adoptive parents sometimes attribute EVERYTHING to adoption trauma, but it's not always the case.
I think it's good to mention it to the child, and then take cues from them. Do they remember any of it? Do they seem to want to know more? Are they not interested? But by mentioning it, you leave that door open for them if they want to go through it.
Also, I think it's really important to be honest about your own feelings, in an age-appropriate way of course. That you wish you could have had him in your tummy the whole time, how you were scared for him in the NICU, how glad you were when you brought him hime, etc. Kids pick up on it if we're hiding something important from them.