I think I might have to stop watching
naturalbirth. It's hard to read posts there about beautiful births and not be bitter about my own -- or bitter about the fact that I will never have one.
But the worst part is that I feel like I have nothing to contribute any more. When everyone is talking about how awesome it was to be able to just trust that their pregnant bodies were doing what they were designed to do, all I can say is that I can't trust my own any more. After all, I felt wonderful, even when I was checking myself into the hospital. But the reality was that I was dying, and taking Carter with me.
So I now have a perspective and an experience that doesn't seem to mesh well with everyone else in that group, even though I believe so strongly in what they stand for. *sigh*
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But the worst part is that I feel like I have nothing to contribute any more. When everyone is talking about how awesome it was to be able to just trust that their pregnant bodies were doing what they were designed to do, all I can say is that I can't trust my own any more. After all, I felt wonderful, even when I was checking myself into the hospital. But the reality was that I was dying, and taking Carter with me.
So I now have a perspective and an experience that doesn't seem to mesh well with everyone else in that group, even though I believe so strongly in what they stand for. *sigh*